Chapter 112: Favorite Cookie

My trip to Thailand was an incredible experience. Returning to the last place that knew the “pre cancer” version of me was both terrifying and necessary. It felt as if I left a piece of me there three years ago. The time came to reclaim the missing piece and put myself back together again.

I experienced emotions I’ve never felt before; I smiled while simultaneously crying as I walked familiar yet changed streets and found my missing piece- yet realized it didn’t fit into my puzzle anymore. It was a shape no longer needed, one that had been slowly replaced by new experiences, relationships, and perspectives.

Even though that reclaimed piece was no longer needed to complete the puzzle of the woman I am today, there was still something immensely satisfying about finding it and realizing I could put it away.

It was a powerful feeling- that feeling of choice. Choosing to put that particular piece back in its metaphorical box was liberating. I recommend it. Hopefully you can reclaim your unnecessary piece without a 30- hour travel situation, but simply by eating at the restaurant you used to love, watching the movie you haven’t been able to watch since “that horrible thing happened,” or restarting your prior workout routine (because yes, you’re still strong and fit!).

This idea, among many others, kept my head spinning throughout my trip. I wrote constantly in Thailand. I could not stop. I wrote in cafes, on temple steps, while watching elephants play in mud pits and while walking down the busy streets of Chiang Mai (well, I used voice to text during my walks so you can picture how cool I looked rambling on about revelations and existential philosophies into my phone, ha!).

Interestingly, the words I wrote during this trip took on a very different voice than the one I use in this blog. Still me, but perhaps a me version 2.0. I’m compiling the snippets of traveling thoughts and finding that they may just make a nice book someday. We will see.

For now, I want to write about an experience closer to home. After returning from my trip, I got together with my lovely friend and her little girls, one being my goddaughter Nora. Nora said something so profound I had to write it down immediately. Don’t worry, I asked if I could use her words for a story and she happily gave artistic permission.

As Nora shared a piece of her cookie with me, I asked her “what is your favorite kind of cookie?”

Immediately, while chewing her cookie, she answered “this kind!”

This kind- wow. Yes! This kind, the one I currently have- this is my favorite kind.

How wonderfully happy would we all be if we had this mindset with everything?

What food is best? The one I’m eating. What relationship is most meaningful? The one I’m currently in. What weather do you love most? The weather today, of course. What moment is the best moment of all time? This one- this very one.

I love this idea, Nora. Thank you for reminding me that the cookie we currently have is the very best one. We don’t need to look any further than the delicious chocolate crumbs in our own hands to enjoy every last bite.

Also, it’s ok if your favorite cookie changes over time. Put the old one back in the box and move on to the flavor you have today. That’s the best kind, anyways.

Fondly,

Courtney

©️ CB2023

PS- From a brain cancer perspective, things seem just fine. My next MRI happens soon, but I’m not too worried because the way I feel right now is my favorite way to feel 🍪 😀