Chapter 60: Tasting Notes of Life
Dear Readers,
I apologize for my delay between blog updates. I have been focusing my attention on my book manuscript over the past few weeks.
Last week, I had a meeting with my publisher. We decided that we will set a deadline of July 31st for me to finish my book manuscript. Yikes! From this July to December, as a team of expert editors proofread my manuscript, finding every little punctuation error and misspelled word, I will work with a team of graphic designers to build a book cover that will hopefully make people who still shop in bookstores stop, pick up the book, and flip through a few pages.
From there, once editing and designing are complete, I will do a final read-through as we try to get this thing on bookshelves by January of 2021. Sounds like a long time from now, but in the book world, this deadline is incredibly short. No time to waste, I figure. Unlike many memoirists who publish posthumously, I would like to be alive for many years after my book is published to personally hear every loud word of criticism, every whisper of praise, and maybe, just maybe, write a second book someday. I was working on a pretty good fiction book before all this started, after all.
This past weekend, I took a short vacation to visit Oregon. I had never been to Oregon before, and it was absolutely stunning. My boyfriend, Paul, and I spent a few days in Willamette Valley, tasting tart Dundee Hill pinot noir and driving through some of the most beautiful vineyards I had ever seen. We spent one chilly day on the coast, watching the whale-gray colored waves crash a few feet out from shore, sending a loud spray of frigid cold water straight up in the air before hitting the quiet ocean below.
Although the scenery was impressive, the pinot noirs I tried were not my favorite. To some, the Dundee Hills AVA offers the best pinot noirs in the world. To my palate, however, it did not. This made me think about the subjectivity of our experiences in this life. My experience sipping a pinot noir is likely completely different than yours. My favorite movie may be a in a completely different genre than yours. The items in my grocery cart are likely drastically different than the items in your cart. My fight against cancer may be vastly different than another cancer warrior’s fight. How boring would life be if we all had the same experiences, anyways?
A month or so ago, I received criticism about a few things I had posted on my blog. Memories that others experienced differently then what I had experienced led to a bit of turmoil. I have found that the more I write, the more I share with the world, the more I am giving myself opportunities not only to help others, but also, unfortunately, to hurt others. Some friends and family members have been upset when they have been included in my writing, whereas others have been upset when they have not been included. Some people find my viewpoints helpful, while others find them narrow-minded or unrealistic. I have realized, that like a well-balanced pinot noir that one would assume tastes good to everyone, the tasting notes of our experiences, our opinions, and our preferences can differ vastly. This is what keeps life interesting. Unfortunately, this also means I cannot please everyone with my writing.
As I was reading The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo today, I came across an idea I liked tremendously. Nepo discussed the thought that early on in life, as babies and children, we are vocal- we cry, we yell- for the sole purpose of expressing ourselves. We do this at first without any fear or hesitation. As we age, however, we start becoming anxious to express ourselves, nervous to put our opinion outside of the safety of our minds, fearful to voice a thought that others may not agree with.
“Imagine if birds only sang when heard. If musicians only played when approved of. If poets only spoke when understood,” Nepo said.
I believe that our voices should be used for the good of all people. What we say, sing, draw, paint, write, and share should not be intended to harm; however, fear of a negative response should not prevent us from expressing ourselves at all.
Emile Zola, a French novelist, once said, “We are here to live out loud.”
Damn, that is perfect. We are here to live out loud. I feel that there are few things more straightforward and so obviously true, than this.
For a period of time, I let fear of others’ opinions stop me from writing. Fear, I have no time for you. I have a book to finish. I have a blog to work on. I have patients to treat. I have residents to teach. I have life to life. I have opinions and I will live them loudly and proudly. You may not like the tasting notes of my life; in fact, you may crave a simple, slightly sweet sauvignon blanc while all I can offer is a bold, in-your-face, honest and punchy syrah. Unfortunately, I’m here to live out loud. It is fun; it is freeing; it is the best thing I have ever done. I recommend you try it, too.
Fondly,
Courtney
© CB2020