Chapter 92: Cancel My Membership, Please.
Happy Monday, blog readers. Today we have a blog written by everyone’s favorite guest blogger, my amazing mom!
To put this blog into context, the past few weeks have been busy. Maybe busy is an understatement. A few key things have happened within the past 3 weeks:
· I started a brand new, full-time job as an internist with a great, fast-paced clinic in Saint Paul, MN. It’s been an absolute treat to meet patients with whom I’ll have the opportunity to work with and get to know over the years.
· The ABTA (American Brain Tumor Association) hosted me as their keynote speaker during their 2021 Annual National Conference. Sharing my story with hundreds of listeners was surreal in every possible way.
· Friends, new and old, from near and far came to Magers and Quinn Booksellers for a Difficult Gifts reading event. Special shoutout to Dr. U, one of my mentors and friends from Northwestern as well as Curt for making the trip to attend! Curt- had I known it was almost your birthday, I would have made a special shoutout! :)
· Family and friends gathered at an elaborate, elegant gala hosted by Humor to Fight the Tumor, a Minnesota-based organization raising awareness and funds for brain tumors.
· I flew to North Carolina on my day off for my annual check-in with one of my neuro-oncologists. Shoutout to Duke’s Brain Tumor Center. As many of you know, I’m a big advocate for getting a second opinion if you’re able to. I see a fabulous neuro-oncologist in Minnesota and recommend her to everyone, but I also think second opinions are helpful and it never hurts to expand your network. I advocate this same thing to my own patients. No doctor should take offense to a patient getting a second opinion. Two brains are often more powerful than one! For those with brain tumors or loved ones with brain tumors, the Brain Tumor Network helped me with all of the complex logistics of seeking a second opinion (and, their services are free!).
Ok, I think that covers most of the highlights. Now, as I sit in the lobby of the Duke Cancer Center waiting for my appointment, I invite you to read this beautiful blog post writen by the elegant Mary Hager, my lovely mother.
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When our children were young, we were always there to cheer for them. If you are a parent or a grandparent, you have spent many hours in attendance. Sporting events, theatre productions, choir concerts, academic awards and every type of graduation is attended and celebrated. Recently, I realized attendance is still a part of my life, but since my daughter’s diagnosis, most of those events involve raising funds for brain cancer research. Trust me, this has a different feel to it.
There were several galas in a row this month. My beautiful, talented, compassionate daughter was feted several times, with keynote speeches, champagne, and formal attire. The most recent we attended was a fund-raiser sponsored by Humor to Fight the Tumor, one of the country’s premier fundraising events benefiting those living with brain tumors and those researching more effective treatments. Family and friends arrived, some traveling by plane to be there.
The day of the event was filled with smiles and laughter. We joined with hundreds of (vaccinated) people in the evening, enjoying canapés and making increasingly higher auction bids as the wine flowed. I was so happy as I looked around the venue admiring the beautiful dresses and well-dressed gentlemen.
The tuxedo’d man moving in a motorized wheelchair caught my attention. Suddenly, the reason any of us were at this gala struck me. Hard. In the heart. It was a solid hit. The smile left my face and before I could stop myself, I grasped my daughter’s arms in mine and told her my truth. I said, “I don’t want to be a member of this cancer club anymore.” May I kindly bow out now?
Before I could wallow in my maudlin misery, my daughter looked at me in astonishment. “Mom!! Where else would they throw you a party like this just because you’re going to die someday?? We’re all going to die someday. If they offer me galas, fancy dresses, and good wine just because I’m going to die someday, I’ll take it!” This is classic Courtney. This is not her reaction after careful consideration of her mother’s emotional reaction – this is absolutely the way she looks at her situation. There is no self-pity. There is simply acceptance and an ability to treasure the good times when they happen.
Of course, she’s right. We are all dying. We all have hardships, illnesses, stressors, and difficult times – but how often does the universe throw you a party? I was literally surrounded by hundreds of people determined to raise awareness and research funding for better outcomes – for longer, fuller lives for whatever time any of us have.
I glanced back at the gentlemen in the wheelchair. He seemed to intuit my mental gymnastics as I adjusted my attitude and found the truth in my daughter’s perspective. He and I silently raised our glasses to each other across the crowded room and smiled. He understands the purpose of this club.
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Thanks for writing this, mom.
Fondly,
Courtney
©CB2021