Chapter 93: We Pray and We Cheers

This weekend, I visited some of my best friends in Chicago. I used to take an eternity to plan a trip, second-guessing every price, questioning if I really have the time, doubting if I should actually use my PTO, questioning if I should save that money for another event, etc.  But, AC (after cancer, is this politically appropriate? Doubt it 🤷‍♀️), I book all the trips, baby! I book them the second I think I might potentially want to take them. My travel budget is my favorite thing to save for and my travel memories are my favorite ones to bank up. 

This time around, Chicago was the place. Hopping on the El train at O’Hare brought me back to the four years I spent living in this magical city during medical school. The smells, the sights, the woman smoking a lit cigarette on the train next to me…. ahh, bliss. 

 Arriving at my friend’s lovely home was a quiet sanctuary compared to the Chicago marathon crowds on the train (don’t worry, I’ve been COVID-19 boosted- Woohoo!!- and also worse my trusted N95 mask the whole time). 

 My friend’s T and L have an adorable 17-month-old daughter, Bee*. Bee is at an age where she knows what she wants and what she doesn’t. I respect that. Really, we should all be as vocal as a 17-month-old about the things we want and don’t want. Yes, I want that raise! No, I do not want to work on Christmas! (Throw spoon on the floor to emphasize the point). 

Over the course of the weekend, I learned a very valuable life lesson from Bee. 

Bee is still working on finding her words and her routine in life. She often forgets to pick up her toys. She often forgets that when she holds her bacon in front of her dog brother, he will definitely eat it, even if she doesn’t want him to. 

But, there are two things Bee never forgets: To pray and to cheers.  🙏🥂

T and L- my friends who, after 8+ years of friendship, feel more like family- are spectacular parents. They are raising a kind, smart, and perfectly sassy daughter who I have no doubt will grow up to realize she won the parent lottery. 

Before every meal, Bee does a little dance move that resembles a disco arm throw and says “pray.” I assume this is as close as her adorable 17-month-old arms can get to making a cross. This disco move reminds her parents that they need to say grace before they eat. 

Along with praying, Bee also never ever forgets to cheers. Every time Bee picks up her little sippy cup of water, she says “Cheers!” With a huge smile on her face, she expects everyone sitting around her to cheers their glasses with hers. It is stinking adorable and an amazing party trick. 

After watching Bee do this all weekend, it dawned on me that this darling girl could teach us all a very valuable lesson.

There are many things adults have in common with a child under the age of 2. Sometimes, we get angry and want to scream. Sometimes, we cry when we don’t know what to say because crying is easier than finding the right words. Sometimes, we throw our spoons on the floor because we don’t like vegetables. Fair enough. 

 But, there are also two things that Bee does that adults sometimes forget to do. And this weekend, I realized how much better life could be if we didn’t forget these things. 

No matter what, we must remember to pray and to cheers.  

Shari Fleming Photography

Prayers: Most of my readers know that I am a spiritual person, but not overtly religious. I personally practice Buddhism and do not pray in the same sense of the word that many typical Western religions teach; however, I think the concept of praying is broader than we might typically think.

Some people pray to establish a rapport with a deity or being of worship. Others pray to give thanks to a force they cannot see, but one in which they believe. Still others pray to ask forgiveness to a force they cannot see, but one they fear. 

In my opinion, prayer is a much broader term. 

To pray: to hope, to express gratitude, to give thanks, to find comfort, to express sympathy, to wish, to dream, to appreciate.

We can do this through traditional religious prayer, or we can do this through our actions. Although I do not “pray” in the same way my Catholic ancestors did, I meditate and use mantras (prayer-equivalent-ish) to express gratitude, find mindfulness, and send compassion to others. 

I’ve written before about Tonglen meditation, one of my personal favorites. Tonglen is the act of “taking and sending,” or the idea that we can mentally and metaphorically take away another’s suffering by sending them compassion or some of our own good fortune. Tonglen is  similar to prayer, but in a very active way. Instead of asking for health or forgiveness, Tonglen “prayer” allows you to give. To give someone health, happiness, forgiveness, compassion. It’s metaphorical, but powerful nonetheless. 

So, we pray. Next, we cheers

Podere Il Cocco Vineyard, Florence, Italy

Cheers: expressing good wishes before drinking. A good, solid “CHEERS!” is a guaranteed day brightener. Have you ever felt angry while cheers-ing? I can’t say I have.  A cheers is a word of hope, of expectation, of good times. To cheers is to celebrate- celebrate a day, an event, a friendship, a holiday, a damn good time. 

Adults are simply larger, more vocal and coordinated versions of toddlers. We still scream, we still cry, we still get frustrated and can’t always find the right words. That’s ok. 

But, like Bee, perhaps we should try harder to remember two very important things.

We pray. We find gratitude, hope, compassion, love, acceptance, meaning, thankfulness, peace.  

We cheers. We give thanks, we celebrate life, we smile, we embrace a relationship, we find joy. 

We pray, we cheers, and we move forward in this ever-changing world where we are still children at heart. 

Thanks for reading. For my new readers, I’m Courtney 30 year old internal medicine physician living through, with, and despite cancer. For those who have been following my journey, I’m happy to report my anaplastic astrocytoma is stable and I’m adjusting to living life in 2-3 month increments between scans

Plan those trips, live your life, embrace your inner toddler. Cheers to that!

Fondly, 

Courtney 

© CB2021

*name changed