Chapter 90: Vaccinate and Meditate

Amazing, ethereal photo by Shari Fleming Photography.

Blogging has taken a backseat in my life lately, so for those of you who happened to see a new blog post and clicked on it, thank you for continuing on this journey with me.

The summer of 2021 has absolutely flown by. I don’t know about you, but I find myself thinking quite frequently these days When will the uncertainty end?

With the COVID-19 delta variant on the rise, mask controversy, politicized vaccines, healthcare provider burnout, school shutdowns, and cold weather approaching, it’s hard to find anything to smile about.

After some time away from this blog, I found myself compelled to write today after an interesting and frustrating experience I went through last week.

Before we get to that, though, let me start with a bit of happy news. I had an MRI (I’m guessing it was somewhere between my tenth and twentieth one- does this make me some kind of MRI pro-athlete, yet?). Regardless, this was the first MRI I have gone into feeling unafraid. I don’t know why, but I do know that the all-too-familiar feeling of “scanxiety” was not nearly as all-encompassing this time around. I climbed into that MRI machine, lay myself down on the hard, metal table and a spoke with my neuro-onoclogist a few hours later. No new tumor, no visible old tumor. Just a hole where a nasty tumor bug was carved out some 16 months ago (yep, the hole essentially stays permanently, how weird is that?!).

This was GREAT news. Not only stable, but better than before. This was such a relief to my family and friends.

I purposefully didn’t add “to me” into that sentence, which may seem odd. But, for those who have dealt personally with cancer or another chronic illness (mental illness very much included), I think it is challenging to feel true relief, even with “great news.” Yay, the cancer is gone. But, for how long? When will it return?

I finally got to give my loved ones some good news, about damn time. But, this somehow makes me even more terrified for the day I may have to give them bad news once again. The uncertainty we are all feeling during this seemingly never-ending pandemic is what a cancer victim feels every single day.

How do we get through all of this? This cancer, this pandemic, this uncertainty? These questions bring me back to the frustrating, yet eye-opening experience I want to share with you.

 Last week, I decided to get myself a massage. The clinic I used to see a massage therapist at shut down during the pandemic, so this time, the massage appointment was scheduled at the massage therapist’s home. When I arrived, fully masked, I immediately felt uncomfortable. The therapist, whom I’ll call Lucy, was not masked. When I stepped into her home, she said “Oh, please feel free to take your mask off if you’re comfortable.”

My response was, “I hope it’s ok for me to ask, but are you fully vaccinated? If not, I would prefer we both wear masks.”

Lucy proceeded to spend the next ten minutes telling me the multitude of reasons why she is not vaccinated and does not plan to get the COVID vaccine. I can tell you right now, this was not an effective strategy to get me relaxed pre-massage.

Lucy told me she is a firm believer in Eastern medicine and feels Western medicine is “only to treat, not to prevent.” She takes cloves daily for their anti-viral properties and meditates daily to keep her immune system strong.

Now, as many of you know, I am a strong believer in integrative medicine. I truly and passionately believe a good healer is a well-rounded, thoroughly educated healer. I am trained in and practice Western medicine, but I also study and practice many forms of Eastern medicine.

I meditate, practice yoga, take a few herbal supplements (after thoroughly researching the potential side effects), and feel significantly better following a good massage or acupuncture session.  Last weekend, I read an entire textbook on Aryuvedic medicine (one of the world’s oldest holistic healing systems, involving meditation, massage, herbal supplementation, and very complex yet fascinating diagnostic techniques). I don’t personally practice Aryuvedic medicine, but I wanted to understand it so that I can better discuss this form of healing with my patients who may practice these techniques.

I am absolutely a believer in integrating all modalities of healing to find each person’s individual best wellness and health.

I told this to Lucy. I explained that, I too, love many ideas from Eastern medicine and I think there are an abundance of benefits we can learn from expanding our views, educating ourselves, learning and unlearning, opening our hearts and our minds to the realization that perhaps what we know isn’t necessarily the ultimate truth.

Lucy did not agree. She proceeded to discuss her aversions to Western medicine in all of it’s forms and, in the end, I apologized but told her there was really no way I could relax enough to get a massage after this discussion. Damn.

I don’t understand why anyone needs to limit themselves so stringently to one viewpoint. Limiting ourselves to one truth, one answer is, in my opinion, one of the clearest forms of ignorance.

Why can’t we expand our viewpoints? Why can’t we admit we don’t know all of the answers? The uncertainty we feel won’t end simply because we cling to our personal view of the truth.

We can have fears, questions, concerns, but the only way to address them is through education. Committing to one idea and one idea alone without taking the time to expand our perspective is self-indulgent, childish, and limiting. Suffocating is the word I would personally choose.

Why can’t we vaccinate AND meditate?

I’m definitely not perfect at expanding my perspective. I constantly have to remind myself to challenge my own viewpoint, to ask myself “Is this really the truth, or is this perhaps the truth as I’ve come to believe it from my limited perspective?”

As human beings, our personal opinions are so teeny-tiny it’s incredible. What we believe we know as truth is intricately tied to our upbringing, our location, our age, our culture, our religion, our political views, our ethnicity, our education, our unconscious (and conscious) biases, and our inability to experience life from anyone else’s’ point of view.

We can’t possibly know the ultimate truth from inside our own single mind.

The uncertainty we feel right now, and will feel again and again and again will never end. Not because the pandemic won’t end (vaccinate and meditate- maybe then it will- ha!) and not because our cancer will or won’t come back (doesn’t really matter, our lifespan is limited no matter what ingredients we throw into the pot).  

Simply put, the uncertainty we feel will not end because our perspective is limited.

We can never know all of the answers because we can never live our life as someone other than ourselves. We have one mind and often, the truth is far beyond what one mind can know.

Through actively working to broaden my perspective, I can’t say that I have any more answers than I did before. I can say, however, that I know with certainty that there is much I do not know. There is much I have yet to learn. There is much I cannot learn by living as one person, in one mind, in one body, in one life. It is impossible.

So, instead of trying to say “I’m right, or I know,” I instead say “I think this, but please teach me why you think that.”

I think we should vaccinate. But, I also think we should meditate. Don’t limit your viewpoint to your eyes. Open your mind to the possibility that someone else’s view may be much more beautiful than the one you see.

Vaccinate AND meditate. (Try some cloves too, but only after talking to your doc… )

Fondly,

Courtney

©CB2021