Chapter 46: Bald is the new Beautiful
This week, I'm learning that writing a book manuscript is 1) a ton of work and 2) incredibly fun. I’ll keep writing blog updates every now and again while I’m working on the book because it’s fun to stay virtually connected. Plus, I can’t wait for a published book to show off my new fabulous hairdo, can I?!
This was the week, my hair is gone. Radiation first led to a small patch of hair loss that could be turned into a chic partial shave look. I had fun with this sassy punk rock style for a few days, but then, the hair loss rapidly accelerated. I was shedding more than my very furry husky-mix dog and knew it was time for the rest of my hair to go.
My lovely lifelong friend Marisa acted as my stylist. We donned masks, sat outdoors, and sterilized our equipment to make this a COVID-friendly salon experience. This may have very slightly broken the rules of social distancing, but let’s be honest, a girl can’t shave her own head. Emotionally and logistically, there is just no way.
Surprisingly, shaving my head felt more liberating than upsetting. I’m fighting a battle, every single day, and hair loss is one of many prices I know I will pay. But, if my choice is brain versus hair, I choose my brain, every damn time.
On top of all that, May is brain cancer awareness month! Unlike pretty pink for breast cancer, brain cancer gets the unfortunate color of gray. I’m not pleased about this, but I’ll “Go Gray for May” nevertheless.
Due to my new habit of running, I decided to put my exercise towards a goal and registered to participate in the MN Brain Tumor 5K. This year, due to COVID, the 5K will be a virtual event, meaning participants can run, walk, swim, bike, dance, or skip their own 5K from anywhere they choose while social distancing appropriately in solidarity with brain cancer fighters and survivors. This event is associated with the Musella Foundation for Brain Tumor Research and Information, Inc. Their mission is to help raise awareness and funds in support of brain tumor research that will one day lead to a cure.
Today, 700,000 people in the United States are living with a primary brain tumor, and more than 69,000 others will be diagnosed this year. Brain tumors are often deadly, impact quality of life, and change everything for patients and their loved ones, yet they are understudied and underfunded compared to other types of cancer. There is no “screening” for brain cancer. No mammogram or colonoscopy will tell you that there is a brain tumor growing in your skull. Most brain tumors aren’t found until they are large enough to cause symptoms like seizures, my case in point.
When I think of these numbers- 700,000 people in the US alone! – my perspective changes. I am fighting a battle, but I am not fighting it alone. My battle may be unique compared to yours, but you are fighting a battle too. I’m sure of it.
In "The Art of Happiness" by the Dalai Lama, one of my favorite chapters discusses the idea of how shifting perspective can bring happiness. In this chapter, the Dalai Lama says "if everything was status quo, if things were okay, then on a lot of occasions you merely go through the motions; you pretend. When you are passing through desperate situations, there's no time to pretend."
Isn't that the truth? There is no time to pretend. That is why, throughout this battle, I am trying to be loud and proud about my journey. I am not looking for pity or sympathy; I am simply sharing my journey through a desperate situation in hopes that my words will bring you some comfort as you face your own desperate situation, whatever that may be.
The Dalai Lama goes on to say that, "it seems that often when problems arise, our outlook becomes narrow. All of our attention may be focused on worrying about the problem, and we may have a sense that we’re the only one that is going through such difficulties. This can lead to a kind of self-absorption that can make the problem seem very intense. When this happens, I think that seeing things from a wider perspective can definitely help– realizing, for instance, there are many other people who have gone through similar experiences, and even worse experiences.”
Whether this is COVID or cancer, stress or anxiety, physical pain or mental pain, I think we can all relate.
When we focus on ourselves, on our problem, the problem can seem very intense. When we take a step back and realize that there are many people who have gone through similar problems; however, our own problem may seem smaller and more manageable.
When we look at our problem from a different perspective, the Dalai Lama advises, “you will also find that the act which has made you angry has also given you certain opportunities.” Opportunities for a new hairstyle, a new hobby, new and improved relationships with family and friends, and a new happiness that may have been missing before this act.
My perspective today: Don’t look in the mirror, look out the window. You are not the only one with this problem, whatever this problem is, ever in your life. None of us are doing this alone.
If you are interested in participating with me in the virtual MN Brain Tumor 5K on June 14th, please keep reading for more details. Unlike many fundraising events, 100% of donations go directly to the Musella Foundation for Brain Tumor Research.
Understandably, COVID-19 has led to a tough time for many of us financially, so rather than asking for financial donations, I encourage you to join my team and participate in your own 5K so we can all raise awareness for this important cause together and stay healthy at the same time.
You can join my team at www.mnbraintumor5k.com —> Register to Run/walk—> Join a team—> “Eat, Pray, Love, Brain Tumor 5K—> Register for FREE as a “free virtual participant”
If you happen to be looking for a worthwhile cause to donate to, you can also donate financially by “sponsoring me” through the following link: https://www.wizathon.com/walktoendbraintumors-mn/?p=display&action=participant_Page&id=83880&fbclid=IwAR2-PS0Q_zGvwN-yt4UWH69hjXMvL3Xqra-iG1SsXC1_Y8snsOcxX93I5Nc
Fondly,
Courtney
© CB2020