Chapter 28: Small miracles during social distancing

Laura Ann Photography, from glorious pre-social-distancing days

Laura Ann Photography, from glorious pre-social-distancing days

Saturday, March 14th, 2020:

We are living in wild times, people! Due to the recommendation for social distancing, I have ample time to write a blog post today. I figure many of you might be sitting at home like me, so I’ll provide some (hopefully somewhat interesting and entertaining) reading for you.

I have two thoughts to discuss today:

1) Social distancing. Spoiler alert, please do this!

2) Appreciating “Miracles”

A resident physician/cancer patient’s request to the community during COVID-19

Today, I am practicing social distancing in the midst of COVID-19. The Minnesota Department of Health recommends keeping 6 feet between yourself and others to prevent rapid spread of this illness.

If this had happened last year, I may have thought, “I’m young and healthy, I’ll be fine if I get sick. I’ll wash my hands, but I don’t want to put my life on hold and cancel my social events, etc.” I am seeing a lot of my young, healthy friends think like this right now. Many of the neighborhood restaurants and bars are still packed with people despite the rapidly worsening pandemic around us.

I can’t even imagine how awful this situation must be to many small, local business owners. I hope that by purchasing gift cards now to use later, ordering food for delivery, and shopping online we can help supplement some of their lost income.

Even if you are healthy and at a lower risk of becoming seriously ill from COVID-19, I think I speak for many immunocompromised, elderly, pregnant, and other vulnerable people when I say THANK YOU for following the guidelines recommended by your incredibly hard-working public health departments to prevent the spread of this disease. Even if some of us look healthy, many of us are dealing with health conditions you cannot see.

Please, please stay home when you feel sick, wash your hands, keep yourself informed through reliable sources (link to MN Department of Health is below), practice social distancing, call your health care provider’s office before you go in to clinic, and use common sense.

https://www.health.state.mn.us/diseases/coronavirus/action.html

Thank you for practicing strategies to slow the spread of COVID-19 in your community. If everyone thinks “I will be fine; I don’t personally need to distance myself from others; These rules don’t apply to me, etc” our medical systems will quickly become overwhelmed, our short supplies will be reduced even further, and the virus will continue to spread at a frightening speed.

Social distancing may be challenging and feel like a burden. Do I want to use the two weeks I have left before my next craniotomy to travel, to go out to eat, to go to the gym, to socialize? Of course I do! But right now, I will not. Not only for my own protection, but to protect other people as well if I happen to be an asymptomatic carrier.

Instead, I will use my unexpected time alone to try and appreciate the small miracles of the present moment...

Everything is a miracle:

Albert Einstein once said, “There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

A friend recently told me he thought I was “in denial” about my cancer diagnosis because he didn’t understand how I could come to terms with my own mortality so quickly. He was shocked when I said I was “calm and at peace” with the knowledge that my life span is more limited than I initially thought. He asked me, “How can such a young person be ok with the idea of dying? It doesn’t seem normal.”

I answered this question in three ways.

- First, I am a physician. I speak to people about death every day. I have witnessed death many times. None of this is to say that I minimize death, but I do feel that death is a natural part of life. Medicine cannot prevent it. Science cannot prevent it. Why fear something we cannot change?

- Second, I practice Buddhism. As my favorite life coach and guru the Dalai Lama states, “If you accept that death is part of life, then when it actually does come, you may face it more easily.”

- Third, facing my own mortality has been a gift in many ways. I now look at each moment with new eyes. I am thankful for many “little, every day” things I used to take for granted.

My friend did not seem to like this answer. He asked, “Why aren’t you more hopeful for a miracle that will cure your cancer? “

This made me think of COVID-19 and the comment President Trump recently made when he stated “It’s going to disappear. One day, it’s like a miracle, it will disappear.” I disagree with this statement. Hopefully, with proactive measures, the spread of the virus will decrease; however, I do not believe it will magically disappear anytime soon.

Statistically, it would be highly unlikely for my cancer to be “cured” and it would be highly unlikely for COVID-19 to simply “disappear.” I understand that statistics cannot explain everything, but I also refuse to live my life in ignorance.

Instead, I would like to live my life appreciating the small moments, even when they are different than anticipated. I prefer to believe that “everything is a miracle” rather than waiting for one huge, magical, statistically unlikely miracle to occur. By being aware of my own mortality, I feel that I can appreciate each little, mundane moment as a miracle in its own way.

Breathing, eating, walking, talking, smiling, petting my dog, going to work, hugging my family and friends, reading a book, waking up alive to see another sunrise, watching another sunset, going to sleep in a comfortable bed in a comfortable home, etc. These are the real miracles.

If we live our lives waiting for huge miracles that will likely never come, isn’t this similar to living our lives thinking nothing is a miracle? Or even worse, missing the many small miracles that happen all of the time?

If I sit here angry at the world waiting for my cancer to be inexplicably cured or for COVID-19 to miraculously disappear, I feel that this would equate to living my life according to Einstein’s view of living "as though nothing is a miracle.”

Instead, I will choose to live my life believing that everything is a miracle, most importantly the things I used to take for granted.

I hope these thoughts help you if you’re struggling with the concept of social distancing, feeling lonely, scared, or angry at the world. Today, I will participate in many miraculous moments including: eating my favorite snack with the ability to taste, watching a show on Netflix with eyes that can see and ears that can hear, walking my dog with a body that can move, and talking on the phone using technology that makes social distancing not so bad after all. Enjoy every moment for the miracle that it is.

As an important aside, thank you to the medical providers who continue to work on the front line of this pandemic. Wish I could be there fighting the fight with you all. For now, I’ll do what I can, virtually.

Also, I won't say "I told you so..." but in chapter eight (long before COVID was a declared a pandemic) I wrote some random thoughts about how we should try to enjoy today for today, because we never know how long we have on this Earth. With cancer and now COVID, I guess this statement is even more relevant than originally intended. Life is mysterious.

Fondly,

Courtney

© CB2020

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Chapter 29: COVID and Craniotomies. We can do this!

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Chapter 27: COVID-19, Cancer, Craziness