Chapter 27: COVID-19, Cancer, Craziness
Laura Ann Photography
On March 11, 2020, the WHO declared COVID-19 a pandemic.
The WHO also stated that pandemic “is a word that, if misused, can cause unreasonable fear, or unjustified acceptance that the fight is over, leading to unnecessary suffering and death.”
I think it was wise of the WHO to include this statement. Even though COVID-19 has been declared a pandemic, it does not mean we are all doomed to acquire or die from this illness. It does not mean that countries, medical systems, or healthcare providers should or will stop fighting to control this outbreak.
As a fairly new healthcare provider, this is the first pandemic I have experienced as an MD. My best advice for you is to follow the advice the CDC and our incredibly hard working federal and local public health departments are providing on a day-to-day basis. As (I hope) you’ve all read a million times by now, here are the things you should do to help prevent COVID-19 in yourself and in others:
- Wash your hands with soap and water for at least 20 seconds (If you’re a interested in meditation, this is the time to try it out. In “The Art of Living,” Thich Nhat Hanh states “When you brush your teeth, you can choose to do it in mindfulness…you may have two or three minutes to brush your teeth and it’s possible to transform these two or three minutes into minutes of happiness.” This is not wasted time. Use it for something good.)
- Avoid touching your face with unwashed hands. Come on, people! This is common sense.
- Avoid close contact with people who are sick.
- Social distancing: Put distance between yourself and other people if COVID-19 is spreading in your community. As a pandemic, this is now true nearly everywhere.
I want to speak for a minute about social distancing. For those that can, this seems to be the right decision. For others, however, social distancing is simply not possible for a variety of social, economic, political, and cultural reasons.
Healthcare providers, including physicians, physician assistants, resident physicians, medical students, nurses, social workers, pharmacists, administrative staff, environmental service staff, volunteers, hospital/clinic food service workers, and so many others are all putting themselves on “the front line” during this pandemic. I wish I could personally thank all of these people all around the world for keeping our hospitals and clinics running smoothly during these trying times.
As a physician, I want to be in the hospital, working hard to fight this battle and stop the spread of this outbreak. As a cancer patient; however, I am at increased risk of contracting COVID-19, and therefore, I am also at increased risk of 1) Becoming seriously ill from this virus and 2) Potentially spreading this virus to others in my community. I continue to work full time in between my first and second craniotomies, but I am limiting my exposure to patients who present with symptoms concerning for COVID-19. This is very difficult for me to do this when I so desperately want to help care for every patient who is suffering.
Because COVID-19 and Cancer are not good friends, I am quite torn on how to respond to this outbreak. It is my professional duty to help my community as a medical professional during a health crisis. It is my personal duty, however, to avoid exposing myself to COVID-19 so that I do not infect others and/or become so severely ill with this virus that I cannot work as a healthcare provider in the future. Wow. Is your head spinning? Mine is.
Additionally, I need to have a second brain surgery at the end of March (yep, later than we initially thought) to remove more of the ongoing cancer inside my frontal lobe. If I catch COVID-19 and become symptomatic, I will likely need to postpone my surgery. If my surgeon catches COVID-19, he will likely need to postpone my surgery. If the hospital my surgery takes place at becomes completely full due to this outbreak, I will likely need to postpone my surgery. I don’t love the uncertainty here.
I want to acknowledge that I do not write this blog post to complain about my own fears. I write this because I am a physician. I feel that I have a duty to provide some sort of commentary on this situation and additionally, I want to prevent the spread of this virus because preventing disease and suffering is what I have dedicated my life to doing. I do not want this virus to bring suffering to my family, my friends, my co-workers, my neighbors, even my enemies. I do not want this virus to bring suffering to anyone.
I don’t know exactly what will happen with this virus. No one does. What I do know; however, is that panicking, stockpiling essential supplies, and living life in fear is not helpful to anyone.
In the last 6 weeks, I have been diagnosed with brain cancer; I have undergone brain surgery; I have witnessed the emergence of a pandemic in the world (first while in Thailand, now in my own community). We are living in interesting and trying times. I think now, more than ever, I need to calm my mind, listen to my own advice, and try not to panic.
As I wrote about in chapter twenty-five, despite the storm, I want to remain a calm passenger on the boat rather than a panicked passenger. I do not mean I will do nothing to help during the storm. Exactly the opposite, actually. I mean that in some situations, panicking will lead to the boat capsizing whereas calmness will keep the boat afloat.
As the Dalai Lama states:
“Happiness is a state of mind. With physical comforts if your mind is still in a state of confusion and agitation, it is not happiness. Happiness means calmness of mind.”
Cancer + COVID-19. What’s next?
I quoted the Dalai Lama on this before, but it feels like the right time to do it again:
“We must generate courage equal to the size of the difficulties we face.”
Thoughts of today: Wash your hands. Stockpile calmness, happiness, and love for yourself and others rather than toilet paper. We are all worried in times of crisis, but there are helpful and unhelpful ways to respond to this worry.
Fondly,
Courtney
© CB2020