Chapter 118: “Cancer and”
This weekend, I was in Vancouver. I wrote this while anxiously making my way through a pot of coffee sip by sip as I prepared to be a panelist at a luncheon during the 2023 Society of Neuro-Oncology annual meeting that day.
One question I was preparing to answer was this: “Courtney, looking back on your brain tumor experience, what do you wish you would have known from the beginning?”
I wish I would have known I was not alone.
I was never alone in this journey. I was neither the first person nor the last to go through a life-changing, overwhelming, and terrifying diagnosis. I was not the only person to feel hopeless or afraid and most importantly, I wish I had known I would look back on this moment years later and realize how incredibly proud I am that I used my loneliness as a way to create community.
To my readers in this cancer community – you are not alone. Cancer is an isolating experience, regardless of the type or the length of time you’ve lived with it. It can feel like cancer defines you, despite the multitude of other interests and accomplishments you’ve had in your life. You suddenly feel defined by one thing, one thing you did not work for, wish for, or want. Instead of “Courtney, that girl I went to medical school with who was interested in…,” I became, “Courtney, that girl I went to medical school with who has cancer.”
I want to change this. I can’t erase cancer from my identity, but I can add to it. I want to be “Courtney, that girl I went to medical school with who has cancer AND who became an assistant professor of medicine, works as a full-time hospitalist, advocates for patients, published a book, writes a blog, loves her family, and cares deeply for animals, travel, and art.”
Cancer AND.
It’s that simple. That one extra word makes me feel empowered. This short and simple phrase was not mine alone. A patient I worked with a few weeks ago said this to me as we were discussing the “fun” gifts that come along with cancer. He used this phrase to describe the unfortunate side effects that come with cancer treatment. It’s not just cancer; it’s cancer and radiation pain, chemotherapy side effects, paralysis, etc etc.
I laughed and said, “So true. Maybe we should get that on a T shirt- Cancer AND…”
As soon as I said it back to him, my mind raced. Hold on, why shouldn’t we get that on a T shirt? Cancer AND.
I said to him- “but, wait. Maybe cancer AND can also be a good thing. Sure, we get all of the side effects, but you also mentioned to me that you work full time, you love to crack jokes, you are a husband and a father. You are not defined by cancer. You have cancer AND all of those other things.”
Cancer and fatigue, pain, loneliness.
-> Cancer AND strong relationships, successful career, a kind heart, community.
-> Cancer AND a professional degree, a first class ticket to Paris, a knack for making cookies
-> Cancer AND great upper body strength, ability to paint, outstanding skills in soccer
-> Cancer AND a well-trained dog, a smart child or grandchild you’ve raised, ability to knit a scarf
Ok, clearly these are not all about me, but you get the idea.
Cancer AND might make its way onto a shirt soon. It might even do more than that. What do you think, cancer fam? Does Cancer AND make you feel empowered? Does it remind you of how much more you are and how much more you have to offer? Does it take away any of the loneliness you feel?
Please let me know! Reply in the comments, answer the mini 4-question suvey below, send me at email (drcourtneyburnett@gmail.com), or connect on the blog.
Survey (everyone’s favorite thing! I promise, it’s very short): Survey Link
Fondly,
Courtney, that girl with Cancer AND a shirt/bumper sticker/idea for an organization that wants to do something to make our community feel stronger, together.
PS- thanks to this patient. He told me I could use this phrase and I promised I would always give him a silent shoutout!
©️ CB2023
Photo top left: Shari Fleming Photography