Chapter 110: Fierce Intention
I find comfort in writing. Writing these blogs, writing stories, poems, memories, even short social media captions, gives me an outlet to share thoughts that could potentially help someone else going through a difficult time. That in itself is enough for me to live a full, purposeful life.
I feel that I’ve fallen behind on this blog over the past few months, but then I remind myself that this is because I’ve been living- fiercely and with intention.
“Fiercely and with intention” is how I’ve been trying to pitch my second book proposal. I think it has a nice ring to it. Unfortunately, I’ve started to accumulate a rich pile of rejection letters from various agents. My husband likes to remind me that the great Stephen King had so many rejection letters that he pinned them to the wall with a nail and, by the time he was a teenager, had to replace the nail with a spike to support the weight of rejection. I’m only at the small sewing needle stage, so I really have nothing to complain about.
Rejection. Acceptance. Difficulty. Joy. Such is life.
But, back to the point, my next book idea centers around living fiercely and with intention. It may end up as memoir, or nonfiction intricately disguised as fiction (as I tend to imagine most fiction is), poetry, or perhaps even a published blog, but regardless, I find the message of living with purpose worth sharing.
That being said, I don’t assume any of us live without purpose; however, I do think it can be all too easy to live in a cycle of work, dinner, family time, sleep, work, etc. Our lives in Western civilization tend to follow a path set in motion for many of us once we enter the working world. There is nearly 100% certainty that I, too, would be on this circular path punctuated by holidays, babies, vacations, celebrations, promotions, and other various milestones had my path not had a rather sharp and unexpected roadblock set in place.
Oh, hey there, orange roadblock sign! What do you mean the road to my 30s is blocked? What do you mean I have to turn left instead of right? I only brought the map for the right path as planned, damnit.
Yet, here I am, heading into year three with incurable but (praise the lord, her majesty) stable brain cancer without a map but with more happiness, freedom, and intention to fiercely, passionately, and vibrantly live every moment I’m granted than my original map showed me.
I still have a cyclical life- filled with the necessary mundanity of human existence, but I celebrate the roadblocks now instead of fearing them. My current detour is a path through Spain :)
Writing this, I sit in a charming hotel in Barcelona. I’m drinking a nice glass of rioja 2015 reserva and eating a cheese of unknown variety on a freshly baked baguette. Not too shabby.
A few weeks ago, I was in Bali on a honeymoon with my husband.
I do, in fact, have a full time job, just so you know. I also have two part-time jobs, ones I only stumbled across when I left the curated map of my life.
My jobs are not work in that I love them all very much, not only because one is literally my dream medical job with the best colleagues a gal can wish for, but also because they give me a schedule that gels rather nicely with an off-the-path kind of life. A life rich with traveling and detours into the unknown.
While in Bali, I found and immediately booked an “Airbnb Experience.” PS: I highly recommend these when traveling to do some very unique, local experiences with like-minded people.
This particular experience involved a meeting with a Balinese Shaman. First off, she, yes SHE, was a woman and this fascinated me. Secondly, the experience took place in a remote Balinese village with an interpreter to help guide you through the conversation. It also involved a truly delicious Balinese lunch, so overall - a great day.
Sitting down under an open-air temple on a cushion next to the shaman was other worldly. I had no idea what to expect, but in the air of living fiercely and with intention, I figured this was too unique to pass up.
The shaman started with an “energy reading.” I was skeptical. She started with this: “Your energy radiates purple. It is a strong and powerful energy that tends to encompass creativity and the ability to share ideas.” I was intrigued. I also took notes afterwards!
Next up came a short description of my birth date, time, and place. Apparently, these details make me “self-conscious, stubborn, and always worrying about what others think.” Truly spot on. At least, until cancer came around and I said, “F it all! I can share whatever I want in this outrageously public venue of an online blog.”
Then, this mystic and wise shaman started to sense that something was wrong with me. She looked at me with concern and picked up my hand. She said, “I sense you have a disease. What you have is a disease involving inflammation.” [not perfectly right, but not at all wrong]. We discussed this a bit. The recommended “prescriptions” to heal my disease included meditation and reading “from the library of the universe.” WOW- I loved this line.
She ended by saying that it is important for me to read from this universal library and “translate” what I learn into a creative format to share these ideas with others.
This all sounds a little hocus pocus, or woo woo, if you will, but I cannot stop thinking about it nonetheless.
Perhaps I’m finally sharing this with you all in a blog because I’m carefree in Spain, one large glass of rioja and multiple pieces of cheese in to relaxation mode, or perhaps it is because her words completely and unintentionally convey the intense purpose and passion I find through writing.
Underneath a small, outdoor temple in a language I do not speak, a shaman expressed that what I am currently doing is living my life with fierce intention in a way that maybe, just maybe will allow me to heal both myself and others.
I can’t know if she’s right, but I certainly won’t say she’s wrong.
To a life off the path- cheering us on with a glass of rioja and reminding us all not to worry so much about the map!
Fondly,
Courtney
©CB2023