Chapter 11: You’ve got this, little snail.
It’s currently 5:00pm on Monday, February 10th, 2020. Today has been a very busy, productive day all things considered. Recovery is a bitch, let’s get that straight. I have an entirely different appreciation and respect for all people who have gone through any type of intensive physical recovery, whether a sprained ankle or brain surgery, none of this is any fun.
Most of the day, I feel so tired I have to be sitting or lying down. When I do push myself to get up and walk, my walking speed is the speed I used to quietly but aggressively judge others for walking while I angrily wondered why these slow people had nothing better to do than walk at a snail’s pace all day.
Now, I am that snail. It is hard to be the snail.
Many of you know that prior to Thailand, I had been on something of an exercise kick. I was not only practicing yoga but really getting into some new exercise routines like CrossFit and deadlifting. I was literally in the very best physical shape of my life the week I left for Thailand, and now I can hardly walk for 15 minutes at a time. Oh, the cruel irony! This week I will decrease my deadlifting max from 150 pounds to the 8 pound max I have been instructed to do, but I will not complain about this. I will lift those damn 4 pound weights with pride and rock it, you better believe that.
As a slow, slow snail; however, I have found myself appreciating the little joys of each day more than before. Breakfast has become a delicious 30 minute pleasure. Taking a normal, hot shower on my own two feet feels like standing under the clouds of heaven and experiencing magic rain down around me. Drinking a mug of hot, black aromatic coffee with my own hands and the ability to swallow is something I will never again take for granted. I can’t speak for everyone here, but I think I’ve been taking quite a number of fucking fantastic things for granted in this beautiful life. These small, precious, snail-like moments might just be some of the best ones, guys.
In Chapter Ten, I had a little heart-to-heart with the pal of my dreams, His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama. Today, however, I don’t have quite the mental energy for that and instead want to spend this blog focusing on my life savers, my heroes, my family, friends, colleagues, and superstars who have quite literally allowed me to survive the past two weeks.
After watching some pretty boring Oscar speeches last night, I’m not going to simply list names here because, honestly, you all know who you are and how much you mean to me. Instead, let me just say this:
Thank you. There are literally no words that can express my deep gratitude, appreciation, thanks, and love for all of the support I have received throughout the start of this long journey so far. Ok, I lied, I will name some names here.
My family: My mom, dad, brother Matt, friend/sister companion Jordann. My family has worked miracles to help me through this crazy, unplanned adventure and has somehow emotionally supported me through my own life-changing diagnosis despite dealing with a life-changing event themselves. All I can say is that I was sure raised by some strong, incredible parents and the “bravery” some of you have told me I’ve shown was entirely learned from them. Matt, my brother, and also lifelong best friend has always been one of my own personal heroes. Simply put, my brother is the best brother and you will never win an argument against that.
My recent husband Jamie, my entire extended in-law family and second sister companion Courtney. My incredible relatives, aunts/uncles, cousins, nieces/nephews. You are all life savors.
My other family: Friendship is not enough to describe the roles these warriors have stepped into. Marisa, Kari, Stephanie, Erica thank you badass ladies for simply getting shit done. My god these women are powerful. My residency family, I love you all more than I can say. I can now guarantee the University of Minnesota Internal Medicine Residency Program is the best program that could ever exist and I love you guys so much.
There are far too many other incredible friends I want to name here but 1) I don’t know if they consent to names in this blog and 2) I’ll start crying if I try to physically type all of the names of everyone who has shown their love for me this week. So, let me simply say, to everyone in my life who has said hello, visited, sent a card, sent a smile, sent a mental “good luck” I love you all. I will never be able to repay my gratitude.
Random musing of the day: It’s ok to be the snail sometimes. Crawl slowly and enjoy the path.
Fondly,
Courtney
© CB2020