Chapter 70: You are perfect
Photos: The many faces of cancer. 1) Doctor 2) Home-owner 3) Pretend model thanks to Shari Fleming Photography 4) Butterfly catcher
Last week, a young woman who knew me through a mutual friend asked me how old I was. When I told her I was almost thirty, she said “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but when I’m your age, I hope I don’t turn out like you…. You know, with cancer.”
I wasn’t really sure how to take that statement the right way. I don’t tell you this story to embarrass this young woman, especially if she is reading my blog, or to gain sympathy from you. Even though I haven’t been told this statement so directly before, I can guarantee it is neither the first nor the last time someone has thought it, albeit usually more secretly.
After recovering from a momentary shock I told her, “Cancer is the best damn thing that ever happened to me” and went on to explain why.
This weekend, I moved into a new house, a house I bought with hard-earned money that I made working as an internal medicine physician.
Yes, I turned out pretty unlucky indeed, so please take pity on me. I’m almost thirty. I’’m working in my dream career that is not only humbling, but impactful, every single day. I bought myself a gorgeous house, moved into it, and spent the past few days making a cozy home for my dog and me. I wrote a book and had meetings with my publisher and graphic designer this week to make sure my first publication makes a statement on the shelves.
I’m 29 years-old (for one more month). I’m a doctor, homeowner, and soon-to-be published author. I literally couldn’t have dreamt I would “turn out to be” this lucky.
On the outside, I have cancer. When I tell people this, they express sympathy. I swear to you, especially to my fellow cancer warriors reading this blog, there is nothing at all to be sorry about. I am living my very best life, every damn day. I am accomplishing dreams and goals that may take someone else years to accomplish, because I have mortality chasing me and I won’t let it catch me until I’m done.
Cancer woke up my full potential. Cancer found a young woman struggling to be someone better, happier, more accepting, more joyful, more honest, and more inspiring, and Cancer said, “Wake up, lady!” Thank you, Cancer.
I’ll keep this post short because, 48 hours of moving heavy furniture and unpacking boxes (yes, you can still do all of that with stage III cancer) took up quite a bit of my energy this weekend.
Yet, here I sit, in the patio of my own beautiful home with my dog at my feet and sun shining off of the Mississippi River across the street into my eyes and I know, I have turned out exactly as I hoped to be.
To my readers, fellow cancer warriors, readers doubting themselves, readers feeling stuck, readers feeling tired, readers feeling under appreciated- take a minute to think about all you have accomplished in this life so far. Think of the lives you’ve changed, created, shaped, taught, and inspired. I can think of many who have had these roles in my life, and I hope to continue doing my own small part to pass this forward. You are enough, just as you are. You turned out exactly as you were supposed to, and then some.
Fondly,
Courtney
©CB2020