Chapter 52: My Temple is the Heart
Laura Ann Photography
Since my diagnosis, I have been left speechless on a daily basis by the kindness, thoughtfulness, and love that others have shown me.
From unexpected comments on my blog, to surprise emails, thoughtful cards in the mail, and even unnecessary but much appreciated gifts, I feel love coming from people I had no idea even remembered my name. People I may have met once, perhaps twice, people I went to college with, elementary school with, people I’ve only met online, people my parents have only met online, even communities of residents, cancer survivors, and mindfulness-seekers have reached out to me since this diagnosis.
I am in constant awe of the amazing goodness of humanity.
I am facing brain cancer. We are facing a pandemic. You are, I’m sure, facing many personal challenges I cannot even fathom.
I find that the more open I am with my story, the more I hear others open up about their own stories, their own suffering. Thank you for sharing your stories with me. None of us are living this life alone.
My cousin, Ariel, mailed me a new book this week (thank you!!), 365 Dalai Lama: Daily Advice from the Heart.
In this book (I know you’ll be shocked to hear), I found a quote I love. The Dalia Lama says, “Let us cultivate love and compassion, both of which give true meaning to life. This is the religion I preach, more so than Buddhism itself. It is simple. Its temple is the heart. Its teachings is love and compassion. Its moral values are loving and respecting others, whoever they may be.”
Its temple is the heart.
Let that sink in. Its teaching is love and compassion.
Over the past 6 months, I have received many difficult gifts including a surprise malignant brain cancer diagnosis, an emergency medical flight home from Thailand, two brain surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, a divorce, and a pandemic.
In addition to these difficult gifts, I have received more love and compassion than I knew was possible. I have felt more love and compassion for myself and for others than I knew was possible. If the heart is my temple, it has grown to include more love than I have ever known.
In talking about this with one of my medical besties, Stephanie, we joked that I may need to watch out for some sort of reverse Takotsubo cardiomyopathy. This condition, also called “broken heart syndrome,” is a fascinating, real and severe form of acute heart failure that can come on suddenly after significant emotional or physical stress, such as the loss of a loved one. I haven’t heard of reverse-Takotsubo before (because I am completely making it up), but my point is that my heart is happy.
The religion I practice, whether you call it Buddhism or something simpler, has a temple of the heart. Whether you know it or not, so many of you have come to my temple, filled my heart with love and compassion during this hardest time of my life.
I hope to do the same for you.
Today, I sit at home with my pup Ridley. I am taking a week off of work after my last formal shift of medical residency last Friday.
As you all know by now, I’m pretty terrible at relaxing. So, in addition to writing this blog post, I have also been hard at work attempting to design my own website. I’m new to this, so be kind. Website developer is a very new addition to my resume (as in, I bought a website domain 12 hours ago and the site I am about to share with you is what I have come up with since then. I know, it still needs some work).
My current blog, on the Wix site, will remain active for the next week or so as I give people time to move to the new site. As I invest more time and energy into writing, editing, and eventually publishing a book, I want to create a more personal blog website experience that will eventually become a platform to order the book from.
I’m sorry to add a to-do list to everyone’s day, but if you have enjoyed reading any of this blog and would like to continue, I encourage you to go to our new website:
www.elephantlotusbraintumor.com
From here, you can read the same blog posts you have read before as well as find future blog posts (which I will no longer be posting on Wix). I’f you’re already reading the blog here, nice job! You’ve already found the new site and you can ignore all the stuff about the old site :)
For updates on blog posts and the upcoming book, please go to the “Contacts” page and subscribe to my site with your email address. These will all be kept private, of course. This is simply a way I can keep all of my readers in the loop as I move forward with the next exciting adventure of book publishing, while continuing to blog, finish medical residency, and fight cancer. Ok, writing that sentence made me tired. I think I’m going to nap after this
Let us cultivate love and compassion, both of which give true meaning to life.
I'm excited to continue this wild adventure of life with you all for as long as I can. Next MRI is in 4 weeks. For now, stay tuned.
Fondly,
Courtney
©CB2020